Ambiguity is Hard

Each month I am going to address a common "hot topic" that I hear my group members talk about in DBT skills group. My hope is that by reading this you may continue to gain some insight on how DBT skills can help you with these topics. I see dozens of clients a week in group and will often use the DBT Observe skill myself to catch on to common themes that keep coming up for my clients. As a result, I end up coaching clients on the same skills but with different issues.

This month, I am having clients struggle with anxiety about the future, dealing with the unknown, and having to wait it out to see if circumstances work out or not. A lot of this is due to the political climate, job uncertainty, and how all of this affects mental health issues. My clients are verbalizing their worry thoughts out loud. I am hearing everything from, "How many more interviews will I need to go to before I land a job?", "How will I know if this relationship will work out?" to "I am unsure about how much to read about current events as it is increasing my rumination but I want to know what to expect." Basically, sitting with ambiguity is hard. This is because it requires us to not know the answers, feel out of control, and to wait. My clients are telling me that it is hard to wait. It is easier to obsess, ruminate, shut down, or go to numbing behaviors.

This is why the DBT skills are so crucial. Specifically, I am coaching my clients on Riding the Wave of Emotions and to let themselves feel instead of rejecting and judging their emotions. This can be extra challenging if you have any history of an addictive behavior, such as alcohol, food, or drugs. Riding the Wave requires us to sit with the discomfort until the emotion goes down. I am also coaching my clients on discerning the difference on where they need to set boundaries with themselves (especially with scrolling the news, managing their thought lives) and where they need to take control. Where a lot of my clients can gain more mastery and control but end up struggling instead is with the PLEASE skills (taking care of your mind by taking care of your body). Going back to the foundation of sleeping well, eating well, eliminating drugs and alcohol, and exercising consistently sounds simple, but it is easier said than done. But this is a great place to start when anxiety about the unknown and sitting with ambiguity is hard. In addition to Riding the Wave and the PLEASE skills, I am encouraging my clients to find social support in places where they don't feel alone. This can make such a huge difference, as isolating in your anxiety can make anyone feel more depressed. This is where a lot of my clients are giving support, encouragement, and even cheerleading to others in group with similar struggles or anxiety issues. Just feeling like you are not alone can help people to persevere when under trials or in a waiting period.

What is going on in your life where sitting with ambiguity is hard? What is the most challenging part of this for you? How are you doing coping with this and where do you need to grow?