Dealing with the Past
Why We Need to Address Vulnerability Areas
A hot topic that is consistently in all of my DBT groups is about why we need to deal with our past. It is common that everyone who attends DBT is wanting to cope more effectively with their triggers. DBT is meant to help clients cope more effectively with triggers so that when they are triggered, they have a less intense response, quicker return to baseline, and less sensitivity to the trigger. However, a big topic that is discussed is centered around how our past issues contribute to why certain things trigger us. We need to understand these past issues so that we can gain insight into our triggers and how to respond.
In DBT, past issues that contribute to why our thoughts and interpretations go in a certain direction when triggered is called a vulnerability area.
Using individual therapy to go deeper into our vulnerability areas is a recommended part of the treatment. This is what I tell my clients to help them understand the importance of this: If we don't deal with the past, the past will deal with us.
Here are some common examples of triggers that my clients deal with and what is a vulnerability area that contributes to this:
Being triggered in a romantic relationship when a partner withdraws due to fear of abandonment. This could be related to past issues of being abandoned by a previous person (i.e. a parent or a romantic partner).
Being triggered when a boss at work gives negative feedback or criticism due to fear of being fired. This could be related to past issues of not performing well, receiving negative attention, and experiencing a negative fall out.
Being triggered in a friendship when friends begin to get close to each other and feeling left out. This could be related to past issues of experiencing rejection and/or being ostracized from a friend group.
As you can see, issues from the past can contribute to bringing up painful feelings and emotions in the present when a situation reminds you of the past. We need to use therapy to not only learn how to cope with the present, but connect the dots on the past issues in order to gain more insight and understanding of the emotional pain, the interpretations that surface, and how to cope in a Wise Mind way. The Wise Mind is one of the core skills in DBT that is a synthesis of truth/fact and our emotions.
One thing I love about DBT group is seeing clients connect the dots in group about why negative thoughts and emotions surface based on an experience in the past that was painful or upsetting. Seeing the lightbulb go off really helps them to not only understand the triggers, but feel more confidence in knowing how to respond in a rational way. There is also a compassion they may feel towards themselves for the pain they may have experienced in the past. This is all part of the process of emotional healing because they are getting to the root issues of the emotional pain.
How can you relate to the statement: "If you don't deal with the past, the past will deal with you?"
Where are you in your process of connecting the dots on how past issues contribute to present day triggers?
Feel free to contact Jennifer Wu, LCSW for an assessment if you are interested in joining a DBT Skills Group to learn the coping skills in slowing down your emotional reactions when triggered and understanding and processing through your vulnerability areas that need to be addressed.
