Work Stress

How to apply DBT skills to address the problems in the work place

One of the hot topics I have been hearing from my DBT group members this month has been around work stress. However, the stress is usually not about the work itself. It is usually always about the people involved that they are working with.

Common stressors and dilemmas include:

• Your co-worker is not timely in getting his/her work done, and then it affects you in a negative way

• A co-worker is being passive aggressive towards you and you are ruminating on this and feeling hurt and devalued

• Your boss is not supportive and giving you too much work which you feel like you have to take on in order to not lose your job

• You are the boss and the people you are managing and not following guidelines and protocols and now you have to confront

• Your co-worker(s) are confronting you about your attitude, your behaviors, etc and you are feeling ostracized

• You are bored stiff at your job and would like different/more interesting responsibilities, but no one seems to care

These are just a few examples. The list could go on and on. But notice the common theme has a lot to do with interpersonal relationships. This is common because 1.) people can trigger us and 2.) we can't choose our boss or co-workers, so it is becomes inevitable. And it is common these relationship triggers at work forces people to deal with their own issues that can go all the way back to family of origin of issues. What if you have a boss who is controlling and domineering like a parent you had? Or, what if feeling left out and ostracized at work reminds you of those high school years when you were bullied? Work dynamics with people can not only be stressful dealing with the difficult personalities, but it can be doubly stressful if it reminds you of issues from the past.

Broadly speaking, here are some of the common DBT Skills I will coach clients in group to focus on:

1.) Wise Mind to discern the difference between what to change and what to accept

2.) Prioritizing amongst your interpersonal goals: What is your priority out of objective, relationship, and self-respect?

3.) Learning how to be assertive and set boundaries, specifically using the DEAR MAN skill (Interpersonal effectiveness skill that helps you to get your objectives met)

4.) Learning how to Gently Avoid and go opposite to emotions of anger when expressing anger is ineffective

5.) Radically accepting situations and people whom you know you cannot change

6.) Problem solving (an Emotion Regulation skill) to help work through dilemmas when your emotions are heightened

7.) Checking the Facts (an Emotion Regulation skill) to work through negative thoughts when you are not sure if your thoughts are even valid and your thoughts are leading to much anxiety

If you are dealing with work stress due to the people you are working with, you are not alone. It is common for people to seek out DBT treatment in order to improve their coping skills to manage difficult situations at work in dealing with people and with their own anxiety and anger surrounding this.

What kind of work stress are you having right now?

How would you define what sort of interpersonal situations trigger you?

How would you like to cope better?